Smile! You’re at the best site ever

Category: Uncategorized


My mom and my little brother got into town late last night. And with them came my camera, sent from Steele. What’s strange is how much I’ve been enjoying just using my phone, film, and writing more. 
I have been teetering on the edge of buying a new DSLR and it’s really scary for some reason. To invest so much money into something. I find myself grasping at excuses not to buy it, but I really have none. 
Time to make a decision. 



Today I got up early. 6:15. I got out of bed and went to the window and looked at the sky and it looked like fading ink. So I pulled myself up, put my hair in a pony tail, and got on my bike to take photographs of the river and the sky.

That’s all I feel like documenting. It was a good start to the day, but the best part of my day was my Skype conversation with Steele. He just makes me light up. I miss him.

Here is some found poetry, from the drafts section of my text messages. When I’m in the middle of writing one and someone texts me back, and I stop writing and then start a new one, my phone saves the unfinished draft.

I feel I
Oh and they close
You’re never gonna guess
Tell the
Nope. They
Well we could do
Call me when the g
I wanna

My favorite is “Call me when the g” I mean, doesn’t that just sound like that start of a great rap song? Hmm? I think yes. Also, anyone out there who is a One Tree Hill fan, who is also a Harry Potter fan, needs to watch this.



Day 65 was August 17th, 2012.
It was Ali’s twenty-first birthday.

I took two pictures with 35mm film.
One of the cake I baked her.
Another one of the cake, candles lit, Ali making her wish mid-blow.

This color reminds me of Ali:


Today was a day. It wasn’t a good day, or a bad one. Just a day. And it was another day in which I took no pictures. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. Crrr left unexpectedly this morning.
Here is something I acquired today, for all my new thoughts. Thoughts of school. Thoughts of my thesis. Thoughts of building a website. Thoughts of all of the things in my head. Which will now be here, in this new book. 
In fact, today I recorded some thoughts. I will compose you a poem, found poetry from my thoughts. 
A cocoon
(an entire story)
know my place there.
my chest is constantly expanding. 


There’s nothing necessarily beautiful about riding the Red line out to the airport. It’s not something you can photograph. It’s just an inner peace. You don’t have to worry about your stop coming up unexpectedly. You’re just there. Heading towards going away or towards someone you love coming back. 

Today I was heading towards someone I loved. 
And so, there’s nothing necessarily beautiful about the Red line coming back into the city. But then the space beside you is filled again. Today the space beside me was filled with Crrr. 
Recently I have come to love the phrase “growing pains” I love that it describes pain with a positive word. Growing. I love that growing is openly acknowledged to be painful sometimes. Relationships are not self-sustaining entities. This applies to friendships. Recently I have been ignoring that. I get so busy and it is so easy to neglect the things I love the very most, including people. 
But today I picked Crrr up in the airport, and there were hugs and giggles, but there was also the inner peace of being with a friend. It is the peace of knowing the person besides you knows you. Of being known. That kind of peace. 
It isn’t a thing that can be photographed. So today is a day for words. 


I left my keys at Alis house this morning and was stuck outside my apartment. Luckily I got them back. I went to school to scan a bunch of film, and was carrying them around with me to get into our studio. Keys are so strange. They’re just little unrecognizable things that let you into all these neatly separated parts of your life. House. Mail. Studio. Parents house. Bike. Like a little ring that holds everything important to me on it. 
How often do you get all of those things on one little ring? 
I did these images with the scanner at school. I’m really pleased with the weird distortions that happened because of my slight movements. They are strange and real. I like what happens when I don’t have a camera. Also, when I have to problem solve. I was just going to do a straight-up scan of them, but thought about it and realized putting an image of my keys probably wasn’t the smartest idea considering how open I am about my life on this here internet. So I decided to dangle them down and I’m way happier with the images. 


Left is a smoothie, Right peanut butter. 
Pretty much sums up my day with Ali. 
(Just add the cheesy movie)
Being with Ali is refreshingly normal. Which is why I like her. 


Steele has now departed, taking with him my camera, which he needs to take pictures for his thesis. So here’s the program for the next 10 days: I will still be shooting 35mm film. Since I can’t post that everyday, I’m going to be posting pages from my journal and/or more writing. This page is about the night of the 11th, and in my book that counts for day 59. The 35mm film will be posted as it comes. 


It’s crazy how much wearing a nice skirt can brighten your day. Of course, it might just be the color of this one. I don’t normally wear such bright colors but I attended a clothing swap yesterday and scored no less than 4 awesome skirts.
Today is Steele’s last day before he leaves to go home to Colorado for a bit. We spent the morning on our bed avoiding the lava floor and it was great. Lots of smiles and laughs and kisses. I love him. 
My best friend is coming into town in a few days though and I’m looking forward to that as well as some time to myself to accomplish the last few things on my summer to-do list. Maybe paint a bit. Organize the apartment. Spend some of my hard earned money. Work on this project and the goal I have put off the most, building a website. I am thinking, slightly, a little bit, about moving this blog to wordpress because it seems like a good platform for me to start off for a website, not having much experience or whatnot. Any thoughts on that? Loyal followers? Hmm? My archive could transfer over which is a major plus for me. I’d like to not lose the last 4 years of this blog. 
Anyways! That is all for now. I seem to be in a chatty mood today. 


This blog is not a diary.
A completely average wall in my house. 
(Made completely un-average by the fact that it’s mine.)
Fear held tightly in my stomach.
(Made poetic with words.)
Everything here is non-fiction, but fictitious. The second I put anything into words, it become fiction. In some small way. When I was a kid I always got the definition between fiction and non-fiction confused. It didn’t make sense to put a ‘non’ in front of something that was real. At least to my small mind.