Here are some photographs I took tonight. Every photograph I take in mine and Steele’s new apartment feels special because there are things now to look back on, and because a place which fosters photography is good for me. Today Steele and I went up to the wood shop and made a cutting board for ourselves. We didn’t want to buy one. Everything I see that I have to buy, I just want to make it for myself. It makes me wish I could do things like sew and weld. (Maybe I should learn to sew and weld.)
The other day I was walking and the stupidest phrase came into my head. It was, “My insecurities are mine to bear.” Why did that fall into my head? Why do I waste time feeling insecure about my insecurities? My insecurities are petty, and small, and insipid, and shared by so many other people that it’s absurd to think they are mine alone to bear. They are the most generic of insecurities. People don’t love me. I will not succeed. I am nothing. I am no one.
Actually, the phrase fell into my head while I was thinking about this blog. Sometimes I sit down to write and something comes out that’s full of these little burrowing insecurities and then I think to myself, “No, this is not the place.” Perhaps it isn’t. I’m not really sure.
I just decided right now that I want this blog to be about growth. That seems like a good place to start. To talk about insecurities is to grow. So I will post this and choose a path. Grow.