brittanyvchavez

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Month: February, 2012

Trailing.

Well, here’s something. I just read this post by Kristen Cashore (the author of some seriously cool books) about blogging and the lines we draw as bloggers (though I feel slightly traitorous calling myself a blogger in light of the amazing blogs I read) between our public lives and private lives.

What are the lines I draw? It’s strange because I feel like my blog is full of thoughts and musings and insecurities which I don’t show in my public life as often. And the things I don’t show in my blog are the more normal day to day things, like what food was I really craving, and when do I need to go to bed, and what TV show I’m currently obsessed with. The people who get to know my in real life vs. through my blog, know me as a slightly (completely?) different person, but I wonder if I come off more shallow in real life? What I post here… are the things I’m most interested in keeping around. I don’t really care if in 10 or 20 years I will care about a mini marathon of 2 Broke Girls that played on my computer. I will likely care a lot more about the insecurities and small joys and moments I had during this time. Actually, I guess that’s what I care about more now, but it’s easy to get sucked into a world filled with commercialism, where my goals everyday lean toward fulfilling a random snack craving and watching the newest episode of Glee.

It’s hard. Being aware of the world I live in (the small little world) makes me also dislike a lot about it. But I am a part of it, have always been, and always will be, and will never really know what it’s like to function without TV or computers or credit cards, or infinite fresh water on tap. So now I just have to live in this world and do the best I can between balancing it. Balancing accepting that this is my life and that I do like it, but also realizing that there are so many cultures out there that I don’t know about and have every bit of light and happiness that mine does.

And now this post seems messy and trailing. But I will post it. As it’s what is in my head.

Fiction

What I would give, my dear, to sit with you in the black boundlessness of space and watch the world begin. We would stare, as stars formed from debris, and the light would reflect in our eyes. Underneath all of this we would be small. And at last, we would know our places. Perhaps you would touch my ribcage under the fire-light of a new galaxy. Our hearts would be full, full with the knowledge that we have hearts at all. We would marvel at ourselves. We would know, that inside us, (inside all of us) is a tiny little universe. Exploding and reforming again and again and again. And at last, we could whisper to each other, we could whisper: We are as big as the world.

(These images are old, a year and a half.)

/thoughts

The truth is I’m not really sure sometimes whether I have anything new to say. How could I? I’ve had so many influences, whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I am interested in documenting my life as it is even if it’s rifled with cliches and things other people have seen and things that are superficial. But my hope is that somewhere in this I can find something human and real. Human and real are things I have seen before. I would have already quit if it was my intention to do something new. But there are the moments when I am filled with concern that no one will care what I’m doing because it’s not new or different. That fear holds me back sometimes.

LIFE UPDATE

(35mm, my window.)

No prose here. No sir.

Well lets see, this might go on a bit of a rambling spree.

1. Spring is here early! For a few days, at least. It has been really sunny and lovely and mm. Aside from the wind. But it’s easy to ignore that from inside a window 😉 It’s insane how much my mood is improved just from a few rays of light. Light light light, always my favorite this.

2. I had a photo and story accepted to a new literary journal called Analogy that I have been working on with a few other people (And a few professors, oh yeah.) from school. The jurying was blind, so the fact that I letterpress printed 250 postcards (With the lovely Erin) had nothing to do with this acceptance. It has been fun and new to learn how these things are made. We’re still raising money so any donations you wanna give will be put to good use.

3. Classes are going. THINGS ARE HAPPENING. The rundown this term is: Photography (still Alternative Processes), Lithography, Text & Image, Nature & Culture, and Writing for Artists.

4. I am planning a tiny trip to visit Crrr weekend after next! My photography project is due the day after I would get back which means I need to have all of the work done for it before I leave, which gives me roughly two weeks to do it. Ahh! But, I really want to see Crrr’s place of living and being, and so it will be worth it I think.

5. BLUEBERRIES. A package a day. Or more. They’re good for you. Apparently.

6. Just submitted a photo to the Nude show I was accepted to last year. We’ll see how that goes on February 8th, which is when I’ll get the e-mail about it.

Oh, also, whoever comments this post will get a handwritten letter. Current pen pals not applicable. (If you want to become a new pen pal, e-mail me. I’m a good one. Promise.)

Descartes found poetry:

I will recall
the whole of me
among so many others
was so present

And from a feeling
I can understand
a distance
which
I did not believe

I have feelings of hunger
and therefore,
I am
standing alone

I do not
know (anything)
without the help of
being
a small torch

From a reading we did for a class. I made poetry instead. Read as little sections or together or read as lines, or don’t read at all. (The photograph is an empty 35mm frame that I liked.)

Snow in Portland

35mm from the out-of-the-blue storm we had. Cancelled the first day of Spring term classes.