New Years Eve, pt. ii
This part was spent with Crrr. Being here, in Denver, this city that isn’t really mine, and a home that I don’t quite fit into, feels heavy. I am homesick for Portland. For being by myself and being myself and being in charge of my own life. When I am here I feel stuck, literally, and otherwise. I feel at times, in Portland, I am very aware that I’m creating my own life and choosing who I am and who I surround myself with. (And at times this collapses all around me.) But I don’t feel that here.
But, being with Crrr is light and will always be light. So there is never anything dark in that. And if it is heavy, it’s only in the way that a very comforting weight has rested on you, that you feel safe.