by brittanychavez

I want to be. In a white room, alone, with no one else, and nothing else. I want to come out without jealousy. Without spite. Without regret. Without shame. I don’t want any influences. I want to be, alone. I want to not compare myself to others. I want to come out not feeling like I missed anything. How could I miss anything if I was with myself and I am the most important person to myself because I am the only one who will know what it’s like to be in my own head? I couldn’t miss anything but my silly silly brain could trick itself into thinking I missed something. It could trick itself into thinking that there are a million people that are better than I am, a million ideas better than mine, a million amazing nights I never had and never would had and never could had. It could trick itself. I want to not try so hard to hold onto something. Unclench. Relax. Deep breath. Soak up any comfort I could get as long as it didn’t soak too far into my skin, so far that it never came out and was always there, absurdly comfortable and eventually my brain would compare everything to that comfort and nothing would ever come close and I would be missing everything.