50 cents short
(of Clean laundry)
50 cents short
(of Clean laundry)
This is for my color and process class. And yes, it does have color in it. The panels are 5″ by 5″, so it’s about 15″ by 40″
I would go in depth about the project, but I don’t want to bore you. (or type it all up)
So just appreciate the aesthetics.
Also, there is text on every panel. It’s probably a lot more intriguing in person, especially since this photo is a little blurry.
Well I am pretty friggin’ annoyed with myself tonight. I suppose I just have to learn from my mistakes. I feel like I am always spending hours wasting myself and I need to take hold of that. I’m not sure how to better describe it besides going into a long detailed (boring) account of tonight, which I don’t want to do.
I’m at school and feeling like I’m stuck here is an icky feeling. I could go to Steele’s but as much as I’m comfortable there, it’s not my home and I can’t do anything there besides sit on the couch.
I’m feeling very grumpy and Na-na-na-na-na I AM independent. So there.
I feel worn out like I just want tomorrow to come so I can have a do-over.
Cut up some old T-shirts tonight and it makes me feel good. Like this could be a major metaphor for my life. I am making new out of the old, and blah diddy blah blah. And what could be better than this? I may not look hot tomorrow but day-umm I will feel fiiiine.
Also I had a book arts critique today and it went really well, I am really starting to love book arts and feel passionate towards it. Our assignment was to make two separate books with the same text in each and one of my books used photographs I had taken. This makes me feel good cause I think I will really be able to combine photography and book arts and maybe have a lil’ future in that area.
I sort of feel like I am in an airport, on one of those flat escalators, and I am just standing on it. You know how they go real slow? And you’re like “This is faster than walking? Really?” I feel like that. Like I’ve just started moving and I have all this energy because I really really need to catch my flight on time and any moment I’m going to just go all out and start sprinting and I’ll be that person in the middle of the airport trying to run with their wheely suitcase and it keeps flipping over and holding them up.
An entry from my journal dated September 28, 2010:
Here is something I’ve been thinking of. I do feel quite lacking because I don’t know much about other countries, their cultures or traditions. I feel so isolated. But then I think, maybe that’s how they feel? They’re isolated in their culture, they know nothing of mine. So maybe I shouldn’t expect myself to know all too much about theirs.
I shared this with my friend Justin and he told me this: You’re just a single person. It’s okay to feel insignificant. Take comfort in knowing that international awareness is greatly higher due to globalization than it ever has been…collectively, everything is experienced.
I like that. It’s okay to feel insignificant. And I do, so often. I feel like the smallest speck of dust within a very small world inside a huge universe. There are so many things that I will never get to see or experience. And most of the time, the truth is that I’m not thinking about those things at all. I’m so consumed in my own monotonous life. I’m thinking so within my box that I don’t even realize how much I will miss out on throughout my lifetime. It’s an odd thought. I feel like I am going to have to accept that fact that my life will always feel ordinary. Perhaps no matter how much I experience.
Why I hate Flickr:
I hate Flickr because I am exposed to photographers whom I feel I will never be as good as. (I love Flickr because I am exposed to beautiful and inspiring art work.)
Beautiful and inspiring work is not always beautiful or inspiring to me.
It makes me feel shitty. It makes me feel like I am wasting my time. It makes my own work feel pointless, contrived, and cliched. It makes me feel like a dress-up pretend photographer. I see photographs which are simple, in simple locations, with simple lighting, and simple set up. And they are beautiful. Effortless. They make me feel like I should be able to take photographs of equal quality with the life and surroundings I have. This leads me to believe I have A. No passion, B. No drive, C. No creativity or inspiration.
I hate Flickr because I am exposed to girls who are years younger than me and centuries ahead of me in talent. This makes me feel like I should have been doing work as good as them at ages younger than I am. This makes me feel like I have no future in this medium. I feel like I have no direction when I look at others work and they have such a constant skill level and consistent style and aesthetic. I hate Flickr because it exposes me to certain ideals and drills into me certain styles. I hate Flickr because as I shoot I sometimes feel like my ideas are not my own. (I love Flickr because it gives me motivation to shoot.) I hate Flickr because I always end up comparing my work to others.
I hate Flickr.
Now I know what you are going to say to me:
1. Your photography is just as good as theirs.
2. You have all the time in the world to grow!
3. I love you.
4. Your photography is beautiful.
5. You ARE creative.
6. You’re not supposed to have a style yet.
(This wouldn’t be a rant if I wasn’t grumpy.)
If you were thinking of saying to me anything along the lines of 1-9…………… Just know that I will still feel shitty afterwards. In fact, I will feel even shittier.
The only way I will possibly feel better is if I have a hot steamy kiss. As Steele is the only person who can give me this, you all may as well give up.